he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
