I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
