A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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