@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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