Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
