It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
