so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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