can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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