She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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