wanna go halves on a baby?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
