Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
