Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
