Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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