I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you win again, gameday.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
