if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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