I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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