but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
