She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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