she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
bring money and cleavage
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
