im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
