two words: eviction party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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