if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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