Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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