So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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