I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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