so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
