Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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