I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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