then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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