No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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