it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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