haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
