just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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