I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize