Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
