Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
