True but thats because hes a fetus.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
