Quick, to the slutcave!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
