Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
