remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
