I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As shirtless as possible
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
