I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
