Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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