Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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