i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
