forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
