This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
