I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize