We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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