better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
