so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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