I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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