Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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