Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
