Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
