i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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