do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
