Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
