I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
