Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
