the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
