there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
