If i come over, it means nothing
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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