Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
