It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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