i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
