like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
