Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize