I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
