I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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