Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
