In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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