And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
