dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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