If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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