My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
