I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
