I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
