I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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