I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
