I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
