He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
