I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize